3g. Older Women Teach the Younger Women to: To be Obedient to Their Own Husbands.

To “be obedient to” is to be subject to, to obey, to submit ones-self unto. I can hear most women in America today saying "Not on your life, buddy!"

This is not a popular verse. If you combine this verse with other references to women in the Bible though, (most notably this very chapter we are studying, Proverbs 31), you do not get a picture of a helpless, spineless, mindless servant.

The picture I get is that of a CEO of a corporation (the husband) and the plant manager (the wife).

The CEO takes the responsibility for the tough decisions, and gives direction for the company. He is the one that goes to bat to protect the company from outside assaults and bears the burden of responsibility.

The Plant Manager is the one who takes care of the day to day running of the company. She makes all the little decisions that by themselves might not be important, but together can make or break the company. She sets the schedule and decides the methods for meeting the CEO's goals and makes sure his ideas are implemented.

The company cannot survive without either one, at least not efficiently.

Can you imagine what would happen at Ford Motor Corporation if their plant managers were to decide they should do the job of the CEO? Or if the CEO were to try to make all those daily decisions at the plant? We are talking total chaos here!

I firmly believe this is what has happened to most American families. The ones God has gifted with the ability to handle the day to day aspect of running the home are trying to do the CEO's job and cannot understand why he can't see the fridge needs cleaning. "I mean it really should be obvious to anybody that when green things sit up and hiss at you, you should probably throw them out!"

At the same time, the CEO, the one God has gifted with the ability to handle the "big picture" and the stress of protecting the home is saying, "I wish she would quit nagging about those little things and help me make up our mind."

American families, "It is hard for you to kick against the goad."

I believe if we would all set our minds to learning to follow God's plan instead of trying to be something we are not, we would all be happier.

I am not saying only the man should handle the money and only the woman set foot in the grocery store. Every family has to find what combination of chores works best for them.

I am speaking of the order of accountability.

“But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” 1Corinthians 11:3


This is not a demeaning position for women, but one of protection. The husband is the one who stands on the firing line in God's order. I have said many times that God commands women to obey their husbands and be affectionate to them but He commands the Husband to be willing to lay down his life for his wife.

Why is it this way? 

One reason is that because of our greater intuition and sensitivity, (traits necessary in caring for small children), we are more vulnerable to being deceived. This does not mean we are less intelligent, just more open to other ideas than may be healthy. Men tend to be less so. With them in charge of the general direction of the family we are less likely to be careening off the walls, idealistically.

I think most of us women find it harder to submit than to die for our man. Most men find it easier to submit than to fight for their women. God knows where we each need the most work to be what He wants us to be; where we are weak and need practice being strong.

What is obedience?

I know of women that say they are obedient. They really think they are. But the truth is that they only obey when they think their husband is right.

This isn't obeying; this is agreeing.

Obeying is doing- cheerfully and willingly- what your hubby tells you to, even though you think he is wrong.

I am not saying that you can't express your opinion. A wise man will listen to his wife's opinion and look at her as his chief advisor and most valuable resource.

But many women "express their opinion" in such a way as to make their husband's life miserable if they don't agree.

That is not obeying either. That’s bullying.

Obeying sounds more like this:

Him: "Let's go to the park today."

Her: "I had intended to clean house, but the park would be much more fun. Do you want me to pack a lunch?"

Not this:

Him: "Let's go to the park today."

Her: "I need to clean the house! It is such a mess and you know how bad it gets by Monday if I don't do it today. Besides we are expecting company tomorrow night. (sigh, rolls her eyes) but if you insist, I guess we can go waste time at the hot, windy, dirty park."

The last one was not obedience. It is passive aggression and emotional bludgeoning. It beats a man up, mentally, and makes him feel like a heel.

I know this is a trivial sample, but you get the idea.

Obey your hubby the way you obey God. God told you to obey your hubby so when you do so, you are also obeying God. When you disobey hubby, you are also disobeying God.

The neat thing is, if you obey, cheerfully and willingly, your husband will no longer feel in competition with you. God made men to respond to competition with competition. That's how a hunter catches his pray, or a farmer conquers the dirt and weather to grow a crop. A man will hold onto his position even if he realizes it is wrong, just for the sake of winning.

But God also made man to have the instinct to protect the weak, so if you quit fighting him, he will begin to support and even promote you in order to protect you. Since I have been submitting to my hubby in the extremist ways I can come up with, he has gotten so loving it is almost goofy (in the sweetest way:) and he does everything in his power to treat me like a true queen. He spoils me!

“Isn’t this an out-dated command due to our more advanced knowledge today?”

1. This attitude says that the Bible doesn’t mean what it says.

2. It is evolutionary (“We are more evolved now.”)

3. It frees men from loving their wives as themselves. (“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” follows “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord” by just three verses. If you throw out one, you have to throw out the other.)

Do you really want to do any of these?