Do you want your children to call you blessed? The Bible has clear directions on how to achieve this.
"A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son grief to his mother." Proverbs 10: 1
"He that begetteth a fool doeth it to his sorrow: and the father of a fool hath no joy." Proverbs17:21
"A foolish son is a grief to his father, and bitterness to her that bare him." Proverbs17: 25
In other words, foolish children will bring you grief, not the blessings promised to Sarah. How do you keep your children from growing up to be fools?
"A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing." Proverbs 9: 13
"Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him." Proverbs 22: 15
"A whip for the horse, a bridle for the ass, and a rod for the fool's back." Proverbs 26:3
These scriptures are speaking of spanking (a rod is a stick used by shepherds to discipline sheep. Taking into account the thickness of a sheep's wool and thicker skin, an equivalent sized "rod" to use for a child would be about the thickness of a thin switch off of a tree or a paint stir stick. Sturdy enough to cause discomfort, but not big enough to possibly do any damage.)
Spanking should never be done out of anger, but out of grief for the sin committed by the child; out of love for that child and a desire to do what is best for him even if it means more work, tears, and grief from us at this moment.
"Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul." Proverbs 29:17
In the long run though, a child properly taught early on will seldom have to be punished later.
Our modern society likes to think it is above such things as spanking children. There are even many people that would like to outlaw this practice. But the Bible says:
"He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.” Proverbs 13:24
The New Testament says that if God doesn't discipline you occasionally it is because you aren't His child. God definitely disciplines me on occasion, and I don't "spare the rod" from any of my children. I love them too much.
Some say we should talk to our children instead (like we can only do one or the other). The Bible says,
"Speak not in the ears of a fool: for he will despise the wisdom of thy words." Proverbs 23:9
An undisciplined child will not listen to your reasoning.
I am not saying to not talk to your child. I believe nearly every moment is a teaching moment and we should do the best we can to explain everything- from how a car works, to why bread rises, to why you don't hit your little brother- to our children.
I have heard that the Hebrew word for parent and the word for teacher are almost identical. All parents are teachers, whether we want to be or not; whether we teach Math and Grammar or not. It is our duty to teach our children about God and life.
But I am saying that your child has to have a reason to listen to you or you are just wasting your breath. There must be a clear incentive for them to pay attention to you.
"As he that bindeth a stone in a sling, so is he that giveth honour to a fool." Proverbs 26:8
"Excellent speech becometh not a fool: much less do lying lips a prince." Proverbs 26:1
Interpreted this says "building self-esteem," in and of itself, is a waste of time and inappropriate.
Many think if a child feels good about himself, he will behave and be a blessing.
They’ve got it backwards.
Self-esteem comes from achievement, so our society's habit of "building children up" without teaching them what they need to know to be achievers is a waste of time.
"Though thou shouldest bray a fool in a mortar among wheat with a pestle, yet will not his foolishness depart from him." Proverbs 27:22
Nagging doesn't work either.
The Bible is clear that a child- in fact we all- need discipline. The word “discipline” means, "Training that is expected to produce a specified character or pattern of behavior especially that which is expected to produce moral or mental improvement." It comes from the word disciple, which means "A person who subscribes to the teachings of a master and assists in spreading those teachings." Discipline includes more than just spanking. It is careful training.
I begin teaching my children right from wrong when they are very young.
Starting at birth, I teach them that I love them unconditionally, will listen to them, and take care of them.
I also teach them they must obey me without question because I am really preparing them for adulthood when I want them to obey God without question.
This is a habit, you see. I am only a fallible human and I do make mistakes. But when they are adults and are responsible for themselves to God, they will treat His commands the way they are used to treating mine. It will be very difficult for them to change how they respond to authority. I want them to be able to say "Yes Sir" and instantly obey when God gives them a command. I don't think God would be pleased with them whining, begging, bargaining, manipulating, or throwing a tantrum at His commands.
I think He is very pleased at cheerful obedience, so that is what I strive to teach my children.
Now, I am not a ruthless dictator. I welcome questions asked in the appropriate attitude such as "I will clean my room right now as you said, but why does it need to be clean?" How else will a child learn these kinds of things if they don't ask questions and get answers? This is honest inquiry.
I think God welcomes these kinds of questions also. When I have asked "why" in an attitude of curiosity, not rebellion, God has always been quick to give me a reasonable and thorough answer. I try to do just the same with my children. God really is the best model for parenthood.
I know of parents that have secretly expressed delight at their children's rebellion. "I know they will stand up to tyrants and dictators when they grow up" they brag. I do not believe this is true. It has been my observation that children that grow up allowed to rebel become selfish and lazy, not strong and willing to give themselves to a cause.
I have observed that those who stand up to tyranny are the ones used to obeying unquestioningly. They simply choose to obey a Higher Authority than any human being.
If we have as our priorities in life to obey God first, no matter what, we will not be able to stand by and watch injustice. This is what I want for my children, (and myself); to obey God so completely they must do what is right even in the midst of persecution.
God has given us the example of how to parent and bring blessings through His Word. He often punished His children (Israel) for disobedience, with some of the worst consequences going to bad attitudes. But He also demonstrated His love for them by giving them everything they needed, in fact most of the time wanted, even when they did not deserve it.
And He died on the Cross for us, His children.
Do you love your children that much? Imagine it, the All Mighty God loved His children (US) so much He DIED for them.
He didn't deserve to die- we did. We were the ones that had committed the wrongs. But He CHOSE to pay that debt for us. How could we not bless Him? How could we not give Him our praises?
Do you want your children to rise up and call you blessed? Punish them when they disobey, hug them when they hurt, answer them when they question, and love them always.
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