Love their husbands.
This word, "love," means to be affectionate. We are to show our hubbies physical affection.I am sure the first thing that comes to our minds is sex. This is certainly part of what Paul was talking about.
Men are different than women (surprise, surprise). They have a physical need for sex that is beyond what we women can understand.
You see, cuddling releases the hormone Oxytocin in women. Oxytocin encourages bonding and protects the heart against heart disease.
Orgasm releases Oxytocin in men (at far higher levels, too!) So, when you deny your hubby this physical affection you are possibly endangering his heart as well as creating a lack of bonding with you- a dangerous situation!
Sex also makes a man feel attractive. We all like to feel attractive. We women feel that way when our men compliment us. But to men, words are empty. They feel attractive when we act like they are attractive. This is part of building our men up.
Sex also protects our men from temptation. They are bombarded with messages of sex every day.
Just the other day at a sports event, I looked at the women walking up the aisle by our seats. Nearly all of them had their breasts half hanging out of their skin tight tops, leaving nothing to the imagination (And people complain about women nursing- covered- in public! Sheesh!). Jesus said that if you look at a woman and lust after her you are committing adultery. You don't actually have to touch her. This situation was hard enough for my hubby to handle as it was, but can you imagine how much harder if his "bonding hormones" had been low?
The average "romp in the sack" takes a whole twelve minutes. Surely we can afford that much time to our hubbies to give them so much benefit.
I know you are tired and don't "feel" like it as often as he does. We women often go all day without thinking about sex, what with taking care of the kids and house and all, and since it takes us a little longer to shift gears, we might seldom really end up at bedtime "in the mood."
Some of the best advice I ever received was from my mom. She told me that when hubby wants some attention, I should go along with him even if I didn't feel like it because nine times out of ten I would feel like it once we got started and I got my mind on sex!
I heard of one couple that made a deal; when he wants some nookey, she goes along for two minutes. If, after that time she wants to stop, they do. In thirty years of marriage, she has yet to want to stop.
You know, I have noticed after the birth of a baby when I begin to get a little cranky, maybe even depressed, having a good romp in the sack, (especially when I don't "feel" like it) clears that right up. The lack of sex affects me badly too! Imagine how much more it affects him! Satisfying hubby helps us both. And anyway, we all need a little fun in our lives!
Being affectionate also means our general attitude. Do we treat our hubbies like they are stupid children? Many women I know speak to their husbands with just that tone of voice.
Honey, he didn't marry you because he wanted a mommy. He wanted a help-meet, a partner. Being affectionate means speaking to him with respect and love in every tone of our voice.
It also means not contradicting him in public. I have seen many women do this to their husbands when they wouldn't dream of embarrassing anyone else in that way. The truth is that if you treat him like a king in public and private, he will treat you like a queen. God put this reflex into men in order to take care of His daughters.
Older women teach the younger women to;
Love their children.
The second love means “fond of.” I have heard many mothers talk like they are not fond of their children. They celebrate their going back to school, try to get rid of them at friend’s and acquaintances' houses every chance they can, speak to them in a hateful manner using negative nicknames and talk about babies as if they were a disease to be avoided at all costs.Oh, I believe these mothers love their children in that they don't hate them and would be very sad if something happened to them. But they are not fond of them. They do not enjoy their company.
Older women are to teach younger women HOW to be fond of their children. This is a skill, not something that always comes automatically. It means learning to set your mind on the enjoyment of sticky fingers, little sentences and young ideas.
And it has a lot to do with training the children to be lovable.
I would honestly find it hard to be fond of most children I meet in today's society. God's Word tells us a way to raise our children where they will be likable. In fact, God is the perfect example of a good parent.He tells us plainly in His Word what He wants us to do. He doesn't make us guess.
Some parents never really tell their children what they expect of them and then they jump down their throat when they don't meet those expectations.
God doesn't do that to us. He has let us know what He expects in the Bible. All we have to do is study it out.
He rewards us when we do right, not just with heaven eventually, but with "life, and that they might have it more abundantly" (John 10:10) now.
When we obey what He tells us to do, He gives us rewards. Actually, these rewards are set into the natural laws of His universe. If we don't jump off the roof, we won't break our neck (obeying and respecting the law of gravity.) If we honor and obey our husband, he will love and protect us. If we…
“Train up our child in the way he should go: when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6
Simple cause and effect. We should set up the same with our children. I read about one mom who read the verse
“… that if any would not work, neither should he eat.” 2 Thessalonians 3:10
She set it up in her home that anyone who did not have his chores done by meal time, did not eat until his chores were done. (They never missed a meal, just had it delayed.) Thus, her children were rewarded for their work with a good meal. Natural consequence.
We should look for opportunities to praise and bless our children for their good acts and qualities. The One Minute Manager stated that every boss should sneak around the office trying to catch his employees doing things right and then give them a brief praise for it. We should do that in our own homes, too. It works.
God punishes us for our own good.
“Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us … For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but He for our profit, that we might be partakers of His holiness.” Hebrews 12:9-11
God punishes us in order to bring us nearer to Him and closer to perfection without ever losing sight of the fact that we are fallible humans. We parents should follow His example and punish our children, not because they make us mad (which is often the motivation for punishment), but because we are grieved at their sin. We should be trying to mold Godly attitudes and behavior into our children.
“Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.” Hebrews 12:11
“Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying” Proverbs 19:18
“Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell” Proverbs 23:13-14
This is not a call to abuse our children, beating them willy-nilly for any ole' thing.
As I said earlier, God is our perfect example of a parent. He NEVER punishes us in order to take out His frustrations. He punishes- disciplines- us carefully and thoughtfully for OUR OWN GOOD. NEVER for His pleasure. God has given us this tool of the rod to use for bringing our children closer to righteousness.
“The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame”. Proverbs 29:15
The world has rejected, even vilified, God's methods of child rearing. The world is reaping what they sow in their uncontrollable and unlikable children. Simple cause and effect.
(And for all those that would be disappointed if I don't mention homeschooling in here somewhere: I believe that homeschooling is an integral part of this training:
“And thou shalt teach God's Words diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” Deuteronomy 6:7
In other words, every waking moment, except maybe when you bathe. That time isn't mentioned.
“And, ye fathers (parents), provoke (frustrate) not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture (culture) and admonition (education) of the Lord.”…Ephesians 6:4
It is pretty hard to train a child in Godly attitudes, culture and education when we are not actually with them. Homeschooling lets us be with them during the best hours of their day.
More Relevant Scriptures:
Deuteronomy 4:9 “Only take heed to yourself, and diligently keep yourself, … And teach [My Laws] to your children and your grandchildren,”
Deuteronomy 11:19 “You shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.”
Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Jeremiah 10:2 “Thus says the LORD: “Do not learn the way of the Gentiles;…” (Don’t even know about what goes on in the unsaved culture)
Psalm 1: 2 “But his delight is in the law of the LORD, And in His law he meditates DAY AND NIGHT.” (This includes school hours).
2 Corinthians 10:5 “Casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing EVERY THOUGHT into captivity to the obedience of Christ,” (Even math thoughts)
Proverbs 23:7 “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.”
Luke 6:40 “A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone who is perfectly trained (finished with his schooling) will be like his teacher.” (and if his teacher isn’t a Christian…)
Romans 12:2 “And do not be conformed to this world, …
Matthew 16:23 “But He turned and said to Peter, “Get behind Me, Satan! You are an offense to Me, for you are not MINDFUL OF THE THINGS OF GOD, but the things of men.”
Colossians 3:1 “If then you were raised with Christ, seek THOSE THINGS WHICH ARE ABOVE, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.”
Matthew 22:37-38 “Jesus said to him, ‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with ALL YOUR MIND.’ This is the first and great commandment.”
The Affects of Non-Christian Associations:
1 Corinthians 15:33 “Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good habits.” (Christian kids do not bring their unsaved peers to the Lord very often. Not even in Sunday School. It generally works the other way.)
Proverbs 13:20 “He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed.” (Remember that “the fool says in his heart there is no God.” Ps 14:3-1 So anyone who walks with, or spends time with, someone who doesn’t acknowledge God is on the path to destruction.)
The Content of True Education:
2 Timothy 3:16-17 “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.” (What more do you need from an education?)
Proverbs 1:7 “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, But fools despise wisdom and instruction.” (True education BEGINS with the fear of God; the fear of God is its foundation. But atheists despise true knowledge.)
Psalm 111:10 “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; A good understanding have all those who do His commandments. His praise endures forever.” (The foundation of wisdom is the fear of the Lord. Our schools are lacking the very foundation of wisdom or knowledge.)
Proverbs 2:6 “For the LORD gives wisdom; From His mouth come knowledge and understanding;”
Proverbs 9:10 “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.”
James 1:5 “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.”
Psalm 119:97-101 “Oh, how I love Your law! It is my meditation all the day. You, through Your commandments, make me wiser than my enemies; For they are ever with me.” (The Bible is what makes us wiser, not degrees on the wall)
2 Timothy 2:15 “Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth."
Matthew 6:33 “But seek FIRST the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and ALL THESE THINGS (including a good education) shall be added to you.”
Children Belong to God:
Ezekiel 16:21 “that you have slain MY CHILDREN and offered them up to them by causing them to pass through the fire?”
When asked whose image is on the tax coin, the people answer (Matthew 22:21)
“ ‘Caesar's.’ Then saith He unto them, “Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's; and unto God the things that are God's.”
Caesar’s image was carved on the money. Render the tax coin to Caesar.
Our children are carved in the image of God. Give them to God, not Caesar.
“We can not be surprised when we send our children to Rome for their education and they come out Romans.”- Voddie Bauchum.
God charges parents in these verses with providing His children that He has entrusted to their care a Christian education and culture.
I also believe homeschooling is one way of hedging the bets that your husband will not suffer harm due to the children. We can make sure they are trained and taught in such a way that they will not embarrass our hubbies. Our men should be proud to be with their children, not embarrassed. Homeschool commercial over.)
Older women should teach the younger women to be;
DiscreetFrom the Greek word
sophron {so'-frone}
1. Of a sound mind, sane, in one's senses
2. Curbing one's desires and impulses, self-controlled, temperate
Older women are to teach younger women to be sane and self-controlled. Older women are to help younger women keep life in perspective, to not fly off the handle at any little thing. Indeed, to not fly off the handle at all. What does flying accomplish? It makes everyone around us walk on eggshells and think we are really nuts. It doesn't make people do what we want them too, except maybe just enough to pacify us until they can get away. It certainly doesn't make our hubby trust us.
Many scriptures in the Bible speak of controlling ourselves and our tempers. It is God's will that we present ourselves as gentle and calm at all times. I know this is easier said than done, but it is what we should be aiming for: sound minds, sanity, in control of our mental senses, our desires and impulses controlled.
This doesn’t mean we can’t get angry. We should get angry at injustices and evil. God does.
The same things- cruelty, dishonesty, unrighteousness, you know, SIN- should make us mad. But our anger should be rare and reserved for only those things important enough to make God Himself mad.
Older women should teach the younger women to be;
Chaste
Form the Greek word
hagnos {hag-nos'}
1. Exciting (or creating) reverence, venerable (deserving of honor and respect), sacred
2. Pure
3. Pure from carnality, chaste, modest
4. Pure from every fault, immaculate
5. Clean
Our bodies are the temples of God. As such they are sacred.
Now, I don't mean sacred in the way some people do. Some actually worship their bodies. I mean physically bow down and worship the human body. I heard of one feminist rally where one of the leaders stripped her top off and everyone worshiped breasts (and goddess mother) in dance.
Others are so preoccupied with how they look that that is always the first thing they think of, the main thing they spend their money on, the only thing they try to improve about themselves.
Many Americans are very vain, very much wrapped up in themselves and their looks. Anorexia? Bulimia? Endless dieting and exercising? How about plastic surgery? I heard of a woman who had had plastic surgery so she would look like Barbie. There is a place for plastic surgery (i.e. repair the damage from a car accident), but many use it as a way to maintain the shrine they have made their bodies to be.
So what do I mean by “our bodies are sacred”? I mean they are a special creation of God and are His habitation. We should take care of our bodies and use them the way God designed them to be used. We should reverence them. Not worship them, but respect them.
We should eat the best we can. I know it is not possible in our society to eat perfectly, but most of us can eat better.
We should exercise. Few of us in America exercise enough.
We should keep ourselves clean, neat and pleasant to be around, also.
What about on the inside? "Pure from carnality, modest." What do those things mean?
Webster's Original 1828 Dictionary:
Modest a. [L. modestus, from modus, a limit.]
1. Properly, restrained by a sense of propriety; hence, not forward or bold; not presumptuous or arrogant; not boastful;
2. Not bold or forward;
3. Not loose; not lewd.
Moderate, then, means not excessive or extreme; not extravagant.
Can you picture this woman? She is in control of herself, calm, clean, healthy, not forward or bold, not rude, attractive but not sexually-attracting (lewd), not boastful, not excessive in anything. You know, I have heard this description somewhere else;
“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails… And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” [11]
So, in short, Paul is telling Titus to tell the older women to teach the younger women to love- period. Your every action and attitude should be one of love for others.
Is this too much to ask of us? Consider; Jesus behaved this way for us.
· He suffered long on the cross for us, and during my life I know He has suffered long waiting for me to learn and grow up.
· He is kind to us.
· He does not envy us.
· He does not parade Himself around.
· He waits patiently for us to come to Him.
· He is not puffed up, or stuck on Himself.
· He is not rude but is a gentleman.
· He does not seek His own best interest, but ours.
· He isn't easily provoked and expects good from us, not evil.
· He doesn't rejoice when bad things happen but weeps with us.
· He is truth.
· He bore our sins and believes in us like no one else we have ever known.
· He endures our foolishness.
So I ask again, is it too much to ask us to strive for this standard?
No, I don't think so. I think it is the least we can do in showing our love for our Lord. And the closer we get, the more our hubbies will trust us and depend on us.
Older women should teach the younger women to be;
Keepers at Home
What does this scripture mean to you? What do you think Paul was telling the older women to teach the younger women here?
Some say that Paul said this because Greek society insisted that any decent woman had to stay, literally, in the house at all times (Their houses had courtyards in the middle that were considered part of the house, so she did go outside, just not outside the walls.) I do not believe this to be true. Paul was writing to a group of people that had been under Roman rule for more than a hundred years by this time. Yes, the Romans adopted the Greek society as their own, but they changed it in places to meet their own tastes. Roman women were actually “liberated.” They were free to come and go as they pleased, run businesses, participate in politics (though they couldn't hold office or vote), own property, pick their own mates, etc. No, Paul wasn't telling them to obey the dictates of Greek society. There would have been no point in that.
Others say he was just saying she should make sure the home was taken care of.
Others, she should be what we call a Home Maker or housewife.
I looked up the words "keeper at home" in Strong's.
oikouros {oy-koo-ros'}
1. Caring for the house, working at home
2. The (watch or) keeper of the house
3. Keeping at home and taking care of household affairs
4. A domestic
Care for the house, work at home, watch (guard) the house, take care of household affairs, be domestic.
Does this mean a woman cannot work outside the home? Well, most single women would have a little weight problem if they did not; an under-weight problem, that is. They need the money to survive. But even then, I think it is God's will that their heart is home. Many single women even find work they can do at home to support themselves, though God doesn't lead most in this direction.
What about married women? My research on the benefits of children being cared for by their own mothers, headship in the home, plus my observations about what has happened to our society since women have gone into the workforce, have led me to believe that God wants most women to be Home Makers.
This verse doesn't say for the aged women to teach the domestically inclined to be keepers at home. It says to teach the younger women to be domestically inclined.
It doesn't say for the aged women to teach those that want to, to be keepers at home. It doesn't even say for them to teach those with small children to be keepers at home. It says for the aged women to teach the younger women- period- to be keepers at home.
The story that really set me on the path of studying this issue was one that took place in a church with 200 members. One member had a miscarriage. She, of course, was grieving the loss of her baby and needed a time of physical recovery. The secretary of the church called every woman in the congregation. NO ONE could go care for and comfort this woman. They were all too busy with their jobs. How many ministries within our own churches and communities are being left undone? How many sick, lonely, stressed out people are sitting next to you in the pew? How much of God's work goes undone because women are pursuing "filthy lucre"?
Our babies are brought into this world in cold, sterile hospitals delivered by "professionals" (usually men) instead of in warm loving homes caught by grandmother-midwives (which is statistically safer, by the way.)
Instead of a child being cared for by his loving mommy that thinks he is the most beautiful thing on this earth, he is cared for by minimum wage child care providers and nannies. Hirelings. People who care for a child because it is a way to get a paycheck, not because they love that individual child.
“But he that is an hireling, and not the shepherd, whose own the sheep are not, seeth the wolf coming, and leaveth the sheep, and fleeth: and the wolf catcheth them (the sheep), and scattereth the sheep.” [12]
· 20% of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) cases are in daycare. Considering that 51%of all children are cared for by their mothers, 10% by their fathers, and 24% by other family members or neighbors, and children do less sleeping in daycare than at home, this is astoundingly high.
· Daycare children are fifteen times more likely to contract illness and those illnesses are more likely to be serious (i.e. meningitis, hepatitis) and last longer than home-care children. (10% of meningitis cases result in death and many more leave the victim permanently scared neurologically.)
"The illnesses and infections rampant in the group care setting range from mild to very serious. Infants in day care, for instance, have almost twice the rate of inner ear infections as infants raised at home. The incidence of respiratory illness is also much higher in day care centers: 100 percent higher for infants and 25 to 50 percent higher for older preschoolers than for their counterparts at home. For one respiratory illness—pneumococcal disease—the risk of infection is 36 times higher among children under two in day care than it is among children cared for in the home. The incidence of hemophilus influenza type B is twelve times higher for children in day care; infection rates for giardiasis (a type of diarrhea) fifteen to twenty times higher." Day Care Deception by Brian C. Robertson, © 2003, page 86
· When a baby is away from his mother, his immune system is compromised and his stress hormones go up. This is true even when he receives breast-milk in a bottle. Babies need the suckling at the flesh-and-blood breast and being held in mommy's arms in order to boost immunity. Babies in daycare have significantly higher stress hormones in their blood, and those hormones grow as the day goes on, instead of lowering as they do in the rest of us, signaling that these children are under extreme stress.
· Daycare children are far more likely to be diagnosed with mental illness (15 times), learning disabilities (15 times), and ADHD (2 times).
· One researcher found that in third grade classes, those children with behavior problems (hitting, kicking, biting, spitting, disobedience, uncooperativeness, depression, withdrawal, etc.) were universally in daycare as babies.
· 15% of all children in daycare become bullies. This is significantly higher than home care children. Note, too, that if 15% of children in daycare are bullies, then 85% are potential victims. Home-care? Even if 15% were bullies, which they are not, only their own siblings are in danger of being victims.
· Daycare workers almost universally WILL NOT place their children in daycare- EVER.
· Those who were in daycare as children are far less likely than those raised in home-care to put their own children in daycare.
NOTE: If those who know daycare best, the workers and those raised there, refuse to use daycare, should anyone else use it?
· Children raised in daycare are more likely to use drugs, alcohol, have premarital sex, and engage in violence.
· Daycare children very often never learn to bond with anyone. They never learn to love or trust. As a result, they are more likely to divorce as adults.
These facts are true all over the world, including in Sweden which has universal, high quality, government funded daycare. Most Swedish parents, however, choose to have one of them stay home.
What about children in daycare being more independent?
Daycare advocates give some line about children being better socialized and more independent in daycare; children needing time with peers in order to know how to behave correctly. This is baloney.
First of all, babies do not play with each other. It isn't until two and a half or three before a child begins to play with others. What an infant is learning, socially, in a daycare is that they are not important enough for mom to hang around, nor for anyone to care immediately when they are wet or hungry or tired. Daycare workers have four or more babies each to care for. They simply, physically can't respond immediately to baby's cries like mommy could. Yes, this is socialization, but is it GOOD socialization?! From two and a half or three years old children do play together, but half an hour a day is about all they can handle. More than that is too over stimulating emotionally. What they really learn socially is that they are not important, the group is the be all and end all of life, and you have to fight for what you want.
As for "Independence," how do you have an independent infant? Do they learn to change their own diapers at six months? Warm up their own bottles? Isn't that impossible? It isn't much more possible for toddlers. What I see when I see an “independent child” is someone who knows they can't depend on anyone else; that they must care for themselves because no one else will. I don't think that is the lesson I want my child to learn.
Though nannies and hired babysitters would have better numbers than daycares, they still would not be able to give a child the love and attention his own mommy would; they are still hirelings.
A child equates time with love. If they love someone they want to be with them. Period. They do not understand economics and "Fulfillment." So, in their way of thinking, if you are spending nine to 12 hours (remember to figure commute time) away from them you must not love them very much. No amount of arguing on your part will ever change that.
Instead of a child being taught at the feet of their mother, who has known him since birth; he is educated at the government schools by someone who doesn't know him from Adam and won't know him a few months from now. He is given a government regulated, factory run, one size fits all schooling. No one really cares in a school what the child thinks, only what he can regurgitate onto the test.
There was a time in this country when each child received a tailor made education designed by their parents, consisting of what their parents knew they would need in the future. This time period- 1776 to the late 1800's- had the highest literacy rate in America’s history. Why?
“But he that is an hireling, and not the shepherd, whose own the sheep are not, seeth the wolf coming, and leaveth the sheep, and fleeth: and the wolf catcheth them (the sheep), and scattereth the sheep.” [13]
Public and private school teachers are nothing more than hirelings, no matter how talented they are. Mommy is the "shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep." [14]
Our houses are cleaned by maids, or not at all, making them no more homey than a hotel, for it is the investing of self into the home through cleaning, caring and decorating that makes it a home.
Our food is cooked by McDonald's and Swanson and lacks the flavor, color, and nutrition of a meal prepared by loving hands. People eat too much and too rich of foods trying to satisfy that hunger for home. It will never be found in a hamburger wrapper but in the arms (and frying pan!) of a loving woman.(Besides, home cooking is cheaper!)
Our sick are cared for by generic nurses. In times past, the sick were cared for by their own loving mothers, sisters, wives and daughters. Hirelings can't compare to the care given by your own family. (There are, of course, times when illness is so severe that professional nursing is the only answer. That is not what I am talking about. I am talking about women intentionally letting strangers do what they are perfectly capable of doing themselves; everyday elder care and low level nursing.)
Speaking of surrogate wives, the feminists (who abhor anything feminine) are generally for legalizing prostitution. It only makes sense to farm out this part of womanhood to a nameless, faceless body just like all the other parts.
We have lost all that is clean, orderly, beautiful, gentle, caring, nourishing, and secure of the image of God. We no longer experience these traits of His in the cradle, at the kitchen table, or in the school room at the hands of our own mother; or in the sick bed at the hands of our sisters, mothers, wives and daughters. We still have the strong, just, and logical image of God through our men, but this makes the view of Him so lopsided. Without both we have an inaccurate picture of God. Without both, we cannot know God completely.
There is also the issue of headship.
No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon. [15]
But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. [16]
I have known of too many times when a hubby wanted to take a trip but couldn’t because his wife’s boss wouldn’t let her go. Or times when a man had to jeopardize his job to take care of a sick child because mommy’s job was too important to risk. Or fights caused by the woman expecting the man to do the housework because she earned more money, or was too tired (A stay- at- home wife can have all the chores and errands done before hubby gets home so they can BOTH rest in the evenings and on weekends.) I don’t believe anyone can submit to their hubby and give their job top priority. One or the other will have to take a back seat. It is usually hubby that loses out.
These facts have led my husband and me to decide for me to stay home. We made this decision before we married. In fact, I was a homemaker four of the six years we were married before having children. We feel this is God's call for our family. Yes, we have had to choose to do without a lot of frills and toys; to live at a lower standard of living than many others, but it has been more than worth it!
I do have to admit I was not the most domestically inclined when I first married. My time at school taking college prep courses plus extra-curricular activities, and the prevailing notion in schools that domestic skills are not important (Everyone will need to go to college but everyone will not need to make dinner?!) and thus not taught except from an institutional/career point of view, did not leave a lot of time for me to learn to cook, sew or keep a decent house. I have strived over the years to learn everything I possibly can in every area of my chosen vocation; Home Making. I can honestly say I have gotten better. I still have a long way to go, but I have not messed up dinner so bad I had to cook hamburgers for desert in a long time. God has blessed me with an Older Woman in my life- my mother- who has helped me to learn HOW to be a Keeper at Home. Yes, Keeping at Home is a learned skill. That is why Paul had to tell Titus to tell the older women to teach it. It doesn't come naturally any more than brain surgery does and I think it is more important than brain surgery. Not everyone needs surgery, but everyone needs good nutritious meals, loving hands when they are sick and a clean comfortable base from which to launch themselves into the world.
What does a stay-at-home-woman do all day?
1. The childcare you pay the sitter to do.
2. The teaching the sitter doesn’t have time to do.
3. The housework and errands that a dual job family does in the evening and on weekends.
4. The housework and errands that just don’t get done because there is no time and everyone is too tired.
5. Cook meals from scratch (cheaper and healthier!)
6. Plant a garden.
7. Minister to the community (weed the elderly neighbor’s garden, paint the invalid’s house, take them shopping, bring them food, visit the rest homes, etc. SAHW have to be careful not to get too much going though. There is so much that is not being done it is too easy to neglect your family trying to fix it all.)
8. Better yourself (Learn art, music, nursing, history, science, etc. The library is free and nearly everyone has Google. Use it!).
Older women should teach the younger women to be;
Good
1. Of good constitution or nature
2. Useful, salutary
3. Good, pleasant, agreeable, joyful, happy
4. Excellent, distinguished
5. Upright, honorable
Older woman are to teach the younger women to have a good nature, be useful, pleasant, agreeable, joyful, happy, upright, honorable.
Did you know that you choose your mood? "I just don't have a sunny disposition." No, you choose to not practice being happy. You practice bitterness and anger and have gotten good at it. Every time you choose to snap at someone or get upset you are practicing.
I got in the habit of being angry, once. It was a miserable couple of years. I felt justified in that anger in some ways, but deep down I knew it wasn't right. God worked me over the coals about that anger. I decided I had to change. It sure wasn't easy; but I tried to watch myself and respond in love and gentleness even when I felt like yelling. I tried to smile even when I didn't feel like it. I sang songs with gritted teeth, but I sang! It took some time, but a change began to happen. I began to FEEL happier, more loving. I caught myself signing for joy while walking through the house, even dancing. Things that used to make me mad, no longer bothered me. Did I do this in my own determination? No, of course not. But God was not able to do this work in me until I decided to let Him. I decided to work with Him.
It is such an easy habit to get into, to be angry and bitter. We must determine we are not going to practice anger but to practice being happy. To have a good nature, be useful, pleasant, agreeable, and joyful.
Older women should teach the younger women;
To be obedient to their own husbands.
To “be obedient to” is to be subject to, to obey, to submit ones-self unto. I can hear most women in America today saying "Not on your life, buddy!"
This is not a popular verse. If you combine this verse with other references to women in the Bible though, (most notably this very chapter we are studying, Proverbs 31), you do not get a picture of a helpless, spineless, mindless servant. The picture I get is that of a CEO of a corporation (the husband) and the plant manager (the wife).
The CEO takes the responsibility for the tough decisions, and gives direction for the company. He is the one that goes to bat to protect the company from outside assaults and bears the burden of responsibility.
The Plant Manager is the one who takes care of the day to day running of the company. She makes all the little decisions that by themselves would not be important, but together can make or break the company. She sets the schedule and decides the methods for meeting the CEO's goals and makes sure his ideas are implemented.
The company cannot survive without either one, at least not efficiently. Can you imagine what would happen at Ford Motor Corporation if their plant managers were to decide they should do the job of the CEO? Or if the CEO were to try to make all those daily decisions at the plant? We are talking total chaos here! I firmly believe this is what has happened to most American families. The ones God has gifted with the ability to handle the day to day aspect of running the home are trying to do the CEO's job and cannot understand why he can't see the fridge needs cleaning. "I mean it really should be obvious to anybody that when green things sit up and hiss at you, you should probably throw them out!"
At the same time, the CEO, the one God has gifted with the ability to handle the "big picture" and the stress of protecting the home is saying, "I wish she would quit nagging about those little things and help me make up our mind." American families, "It is hard for you to kick against the goad." I believe if we would all set our minds to learning to follow God's plan instead of trying to be something we are not, we would all be happier. I am not saying only the man should handle the money and only the woman set foot in the grocery store. Every family has to find what combination of chores works best for them. I am speaking of the order of accountability.
“But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” [17]
This is not a demeaning position for women, but one of protection. The husband is the one who stands on the firing line in God's order. I have said many times that God commands women to obey their husbands and be affectionate to them but He commands the Husband to be willing to lay down his life for his wife.
Why is it this way? One reason is that because of our greater intuition and sensitivity, (traits necessary in caring for small children), we are more vulnerable to being deceived. This does not mean we are less intelligent, just more open to other ideas than may be healthy. Men tend to be less so. With them in charge of the general direction of the family we are less likely to be careening off the walls, idealistically.
I think most of us women find it harder to submit than to die for our man. Most men find it easier to submit than to fight for their women. God knows where we each need the most work to be what He wants us to be; where we are weak and need practice being strong.
What is obedience?
I know of women that say they are obedient. They really think they are. But the truth is that they only obey when they think their husband is right.
This isn't obeying; this is agreeing.
Obeying is doing- cheerfully and willingly- what your hubby tells you to, even though you think he is wrong. I am not saying that you can't express your opinion. But many women "express their opinion" in such a way as to make their husband's life miserable if they don't agree.
That is not obeying either. That’s bullying.
Obeying sounds more like this:
"Let's go to the park today."
"I had intended to clean house, but the park would be much more fun. Do you want me to pack a lunch?"
Not this:
"Let's go to the park today."
"I need to clean the house! It is such a mess and you know how bad it gets by Monday if I don't do it today. Besides we are expecting company tomorrow night. (sigh, roll your eyes) but if you insist, I guess we can go waste time at the hot, windy, dirty park."
The last one was not obedience. It is passive aggression and emotional bludger-ing. It beats a man up, mentally, and makes him feel like a heel.
I know this is a trivial sample, but you get the idea. Obey your hubby the way you obey God. God told you to obey your hubby so when you do so, you are also obeying God. When you disobey hubby, you are also disobeying God.
The neat thing is, if you obey, cheerfully and willingly, your husband will no longer feel in competition with you. God made men to respond to competition with competition. A man will hold onto his position even if he realizes it is wrong, just for the sake of winning. But God also made man to have the instinct to protect the weak, so if you quit fighting him, he will begin to support and even promote you in order to protect you. Since I have been submitting to my hubby in the extremist ways I can come up with, he has gotten so loving it is almost goofy (in the sweetest, most loving way:) and he does everything in his power to treat me like a true queen. He spoils me!
“Isn’t this an out-dated command due to our more advanced knowledge today?”
1. This attitude says that the Bible doesn’t mean what it says.
2. It is evolutionary (“We are more evolved now.”)
3. It frees men from loving their wives as themselves. (“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” follows “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord” by just three verses. If you throw out one, you have to throw out the other.)
Do you really want to do any of these?
Older women should teach the younger women;
…That the word of God be not blasphemed.
Read that again; Older women …teach the younger women … that the Word of God be not blasphemed.
If we older women fail in this assignment, God's word will be blasphemed. We claim to be different than the World, yet we have just as many divorces as they do, just as many teen pregnancies, just as many problems. Why in the world would the World want to be like us? Heck, they already are! Ouch!
We are supposed to be different,
“But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvelous light:” [18]
The way to be different is to pattern our lives, form our priorities, after God's Word instead of the world's ideas.
God says to be affectionate to our husbands, fond of our children, stay steady and controlled, sane, pure, care for and work at the house, pleasant, agreeable, joyful, and happy. This is how we glorify God. This is how we cause our hubbies to trust in us. This is how we make the World want to be like us.
If we are not women our men can trust, indeed, women that God can trust to do what He has told us to, then we are no different than the world. The Bible says to compel them (the unbelievers) to come in to Christ. Can you think of anything more compelling than families where the husbands love their wives more than life itself, the wives are affectionate and respectful to their husbands, the children are pleasant to be around and truly cherished like gifts of God, and the whole family truly trusts and enjoys each other? Compare this idealistic picture to what the world is presenting, especially on TV.
Quite a difference.
I know of few who could resist wanting to be like a Godly family. If we can honestly show that happiness and contentment come from God's Word, we could bring the planet to Him. They are hungry for His way of doing things and they don't even know what they are hungry for. It is up to us to show them.
We can't force our husbands to love us anymore than we can force our neighbor to. But then, we are not responsible to God for that. It is up to our husbands to choose to be what God wants them to be.
We are responsible for what we choose to be; how we obey Christ. If you are looking for a husband you should pick one who is striving for God's ideal, but you should not marry him with the idea that you will change him into what God wants. A man weak enough that you, a mere mortal, can change is not a desirable husband anyway. You want someone strong in the Lord, just as you are striving to be. I encourage every one of you to pray for God to guide you into greater trustworthiness. Ask Him to show you what He wants for your life and then listen. Work to make yourself the best woman you can be, one who is truly worth "Far above rubies" to the world, your family, and your God.
[8]
[9]
[11] 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, 13:13 (NKJV)
[12] John 10:12
[13] John 10:12
[14] John 10:11
[15] Mathew 6:24
[16] 1 Corinthians 11:3
[17] 1Corinthians 11:3
[18] 1 Peter 2:9
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